Dear God

Maybe i'm trying so hard to have full contol over everything.
Maybe i need to remind myself that everything is a process.
Every struggle is a process.
And every process has an end goal, has a purpose and it's always for my good.
God is always doing something, sometimes beyond my comprehension, or sometimes within its walls.
And honestly, it gets tiring to always try so hard to overcome on my own, when i can overcome with You.

Maybe God, You're right, it's all about total surrender.

It's not a matter of "i can" anyomre, it's all about what "You can" and unless i allow You to completely take over every space, every aspect of my life, i will never fully overcome, i will never taste victory over my life.

Maybe i need to remind myself to trust You in whatever strife i'm facing.

Whether big or small, whether work or ministry, whether relationship or personal, weather healing or promotion - whatever it is, maybe it's all about permitting You to move me from glory to glory and just allow myself to be saturated in Your presence and watch how You will transform my failures into triumphs and my sorrow into joy.

Maybe i need to remind myself that You are Lord, and that i can't overthrow it all in one snap, it will be a really tough process that is only possible through Your grace.

And that doesn't mean the process will be flawless and convenient and fast, there will be lapses, shortcomings but there will be improvements as well, there will be little victories that needed to be celebrated rather than condemned.

Maybe in every struggle, You are only teaching me, to be dependent in You.

That the size of the struggle doesn't matter, tiny or enormous, because i must learn to surrender. I can't handpick the portions of my life that i want to surrender. I can't just offer You the great, impossible looking battles and fight the easy ones on my own.

Maybe i need to learn to give it all to You, God.

Commiting all areas of my life. All my ache, my sin, my shame, my faults, trading them all for Your peace.

Giving it all and letting go fully, raising my hands to heaven in full surrender. Certain for the breakthough that is waiting for me. Trusting Your beautiful promises as i trust Your process even more.


(by Dian Tinio)


I think nothing is coincidence when i read this prayer. I am so hard on myself lately and when i read this prayer, i cried a lot :(
Every words in this prayer really strikes me...i realized that God wants me to learn again and again about total surrender, about being dependent on God, and trust His heart..
Almost 4 months, i realized that my life was running..and it's tiring..
And in this night, i just bended my knees, cry and pray..
I'm sorry Lord when i don't believe in You...
I'm full of weaknesses..
Help me, shape me, mold me..
I surrender my life to You
I surrender all..


15.12.18

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